The ‘Arm Vagina’ – Hollywood’s Latest Form of Female Self-Flagellation

bikini area

We live in a time when reality is virtual, where you can get by with a t-shirt in the Arctic and where celebrities created by the mass media win presidential elections. With the whole world seemingly turned upside down then it shouldn’t surprise anyone that it’s recently been revealed that women have not one but three vaginas. “Impossible,” you say? “Balderdash,” you bellow? Well, just to drive home how credible this assertion is we have no less an authority on female physiology than Jennifer Lawrence herself laying down the law on the arm vagina and sending women all over the world rushing to the nearest mirror to see if they’re victims of this physical anomaly.

Shame, Thy Name is Arm Vagina

shy ladyAs if women aren’t already bombarded with enough media messages about how imperfect they are, we now have celebrities opening their mouths and adding fuel to the self-flagellating fire. In this case, it has to do with a simple fact of life wherein skin tends to fold when it’s pushed against other skin. According to JLaw when this happens in that area where the side of your chest meets your upper arm it forms an “arm vagina,” and you should be both very conscious of it and on some level ashamed as well. Thanks, Jennifer. Maybe we’ll all just nestle those vipers up to our breasts now and get it over with.

Another Log on the Insecurity Fire

bikini areaIt’s difficult for women to stay current on all the things they’re supposed to feel embarrassed or self-conscious about. This list is long and includes everything from how much they eat to whether one breast is 1% bigger than the other to thick thighs, flat noses, big boobs, small boobs, muffin tops, moose knuckles, and just about everything else you can imagine. Now, thanks to JLaw we have the arm vagina. Even in this age where women are held to impossibly high physical standards, this one seems both uncalled for and far-fetched.

Keeping it Real

teenagerWe get it that if you spend your entire life in front of the camera, you want to look as good as possible. But there comes a point beyond which you’ve just wandered into head-scratching territory with the obsession with imperfections, and the arm vagina seems to be a perfect case. If a woman just happens to have a bit of extra skin in the fold of her arm then who in their right mind cares? No one. In their right mind. Which is why it shouldn’t surprise anyone that this latest assault on self-esteem originated in Tinsel Town where being in one’s right mind is not always a prerequisite for success.

Spreading the Joy

smiling pretty girlIf there’s an upside to the arm vagina, it’s that it’s not necessarily the exclusive domain of the female. In fact, if you did an objective scientific study of the matter you’d likely discover that a higher percentage of men “suffer” from this debilitating affliction than do women. So what does that say about guys? Let’s see: they have a penis and they have not one but two vaginas. So they can… Oh, never mind. The thing about guys, however, is that not only do they likely not care but they’re just as likely to thinks it either funny or cool or both. The reason for bringing this up is that, as imperfect as they are, guys tend to get one thing right most of the time: they don’t really care what others think about them. In this regard, women should take a page out of the book of maleness and just stop caring what JLaw or JLo or Jpeg or anyone else has to say about their skin folds.

But What If I Don’t Want to Have an Arm Vagina?

As empowering as it might be to adopt the guy credo of not caring what others think it’s not always possible for some women. They don’t care about empowerment; they want to get rid of the pubic presence in their armpit. So is there a way to do so, so that these ladies can sleep at night? There are several:

  • Avoid the fatty and sugary foods – Nothing begets fat like fat so if you think your level of body fat is turning your pits into vaginas it’s only logical that a remedy might start with you cutting down on the amount of fat you consume. If your friends want to go to the fast food joint, go with them but have a salad with low-fat dressing. If you’re out to dinner staring at the dessert menu skip the ice cream and pick the sherbet or sorbet.
  • confident ladyExercise – Nothing tones the muscles like exercise so if you want to tighten up the area around your upper arms take to doing exercises that zero in on this area. That includes pushups, arm circles, chest flys, shoulder rolls and more. Build a bit of muscle in the offending areas, and the skin will be drawn tighter and not be so prone to forming vaginas.
  • Plastic surgery – Really? Well, sure. You can opt to have the plastic surgeon tighten things up and eliminate your arm vaginas but is it all that important? It’s just a fold that any normal person isn’t going to think twice about. Maybe watch your diet and do a little more exercise if it’s bothering you sure; but surgery?

Here are a few more tips you may find useful.

  • Pull your arms back a bit. This will help pull the skin tight in this area.
  • Don’t wear bras that are too tight. They push skin out into this area and exacerbate the situation.
  • Wear sleeves. If it’s bothering you, toss on a blouse with sleeves or a standard T-shirt.
  • Wear your hair down. If you have long hair, just let it fall strategically when you’re facing the camera.

Above all, just remember that just because something is trending doesn’t mean it’s a problem. Accept your body. Love your arm vaginas. Be happy.